Usually my rule is 3 strikes and youre out, but you were out of my mind as soon as you started spewing your bullshit. If you were a vegetable, youd be a cutecumber. 18 Valorant Memes Too Funny For Words. I never even listen when you tell them. Whats the best holiday present? Did you hear about the two bald guys who have put their heads together? When everything in life is coming your way, youre probably in the wrong lane. Everyone makes mistakes. You bring everyone so much joy! I want to meet your family. Ya IQ is -77666888389393488484829299292929 and my baby brothers is 1, when people make fun of adopted kids "At least they where wanted", Your the reason why there are instructions on shampoo bottles. What distinguishes OCD from ordinary attention to detail are the three words that make up the acronym: obsessive, compulsive, and disorder. Mirrors cant talk. They both run at the first sign of emotion. Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are. Youve probably seen someone stop another persons talking by putting a hand up to their face, as if to say, Talk to the hand. Its a rude and dismissive way of saying, I dont care about what youre saying.. You can probably think of a list of hurtful words and phrases that have become the go-to expressions of people youve met. when you try to boil a lobster, it screams before, bc it saw your face. Just beware of accidental miscommunications. Isnt there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of? Did I hurt your ego? People clap when they see you. You already know words can hurt, even when someone is just teasing or when the alcohol is wreaking havoc on peoples filters. Youre not simply a drama queen. Shouldn't you be in the sewers because I've thought that you were a rat. Some people are particularly sensitive to the messages their body is sending them. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. When youre short on conversation starters or looking for an icebreaker, saying something out of left field can show that youre not afraid to be goofy and you dont take yourself too seriously. How to Be Funny: 7 Easy Steps to Improve Your Humor. If whats fun for you isnt fun for the other person (and vice-versa), its okay to be honest about this and either separate or do things separately. I do when I enter, you do when you leave. Being a dick to me wont make yours bigger. Men or women might use this expression to goad another man into doing something they want him to do, whether its in his best interests or not. He loves comedy, cybersecurity, and innovative technology. 22. I will slap you so hard even Google wont be able to find you. I found a spot for you. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. For your B-day, I wanted to give you something that was funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life. Im so glad we have brown cows, otherwise, there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. I love what youve done with your hair. /tts A rofl Train goes tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche wuuu wuuu wuuu tichdvdxtche tichdvdtche 11. Love must truly be blind because it cant see me at all. What do boyfriends and mascara have in common? "I hate that about you." 24. Roses r red, violets r blue, a face like yours belongs in a zoo. You might just find one. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. Your poor mama didn't have no choice. I need your name, birthday, address, and social security number to send you your prize. Instead of doing that, we could just give the other person the benefit of the doubt and kindly offer them a brief summary of the story behind the point were trying to make. "You're being dramatic," or "Quit being emotional," "Why are you so difficult," "You make things so hard on me," "someone else has it worse, so stop crying." -VividTangerine. Bad idea in your case. Once youve been on the receiving end, you have a better understanding of how powerful words can be both to build people up and to tear them down.. And may your thoughtfulness and compassion influence everything you do today. The tenth is just humming. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Here are some hilarious one-liners and funny quotes to toss into your conversations. Excuse my naivety I was born at a very early age. This funny discord TTS message has got you covered to have a good laugh. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. If you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher. "It's all in your head." 26. Ill never forget the first time we met. I do not consider you a vulture. A woman passing by remarks: If you were any sort of a gentleman, youd lift your hat to a lady. He replies: If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself., Whenever your ex says youll never find someone like me, the answer to that is: Thats the point.. have you ever considered not trying to be an idiot? Thank you for calling! LETS BURY IT! That must suck. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? Thanks! I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. Recognize that not everyone has the same sense of humor. Another way to say Toxic? Mister Rogers would be disappointed with you. Make sure you commit these to memory. I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. 26. Sending a bunch of texts in a row can be a sign of neediness. You sound like one of those bleeding-heart liberals., 12. Im glad to see youre not letting education get in the way of your ignorance. Here are 140 funny things to say in any situation. I was just imagining the day of your birth in my head. Heres another real psychiatric disorder that shouldnt be made light of. It releases oxytocin, which can trigger all sorts of bonding responses in the human body. Here are some of the most-liked, and RUTHLESS, comments: 1 . Experts reveal 19 things toxic moms love to say. Being a little corny never hurt anybody. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. When playing online, not everything is going to go your way. But the expression, Its all in your head, shouldnt be used when theres still a possibility (however remote) that the complaint is due to a real health problem. See more ideas about funny quotes, sarcastic quotes, mean things to say. Dont be ashamed of who you are. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Spending some time would imply Id spend anything on your ungrateful ass. Cherry Blossoms In . Youre the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you. if your gonna be such a two faced jerk at least make one of them prettier, You so ugly , you made Kanye West , go east to avoid you, your mom so fat wen she. Youre the reason the divorce rate is so high. Time to take your conversation game even further. Its a real, diagnosable mental health disorder, and those who live with it arent just bipolar on certain days. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Impersonating Beyonc is not your destiny, child. RuPaul. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes. "I think probably the most toxic thing a parent can say to a child is any form of, 'Nobody will ever love you as much as I do,' or 'I . In your case, theyre nothing. Oh, so you fainted from the excitement of getting a text from me? Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out? If you like these savage roasts that hurt, youll also like these absolutely hilarious and best yo mama jokes. At the same time, unexpected or random jokes can make you more memorable. It'll give you a chance to see if they can take it as well as they can dish it out. Related: 12 Of The Worst Negative Personality Traits That Are Truly Nasty. Using this line only exposes the mans powerlessness in the face of a woman who wont allow him to control, manipulate, or silence her. The word hate is so strong, it immediately creates a negatively-charged atmosphere, which is toxic to everyone in it. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Louie Armstrong would have never released What a Wonderful World had he met you. Did the mental hospital test toomanydrugs on you today? If I had a glass of water and you were on fire, I would, without a second thought, ignore my thirst and pour the water on you. It doesnt work. It could remind them of that pain and possibly lead them back to the same torturing thought-emotion loop. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything! Were gonna party like arthritis isnt setting in and were too old for this crap. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. Im listening. Id spell it out for you, but thats assuming you know your ABCs. You are the human version of period cramps. Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now. If thats not love, I dont know what is. But midget is inaccurate, insulting, and never okay. Oh, Im sorry. I would never date you. Youre such a good friend that Id be willing to give you money. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. Good job. Sometimes a narcissist will ask for your opinion on something, and you give it, and then they make you feel bad for saying something like that. I'm just happy that you can construct sensible sentences now. Because thats how I feel right now. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once. Roses are red, Violets are blue. Are you ever overwhelmed with the urge to tell someone to shut up? Many people have been using ChatGPT and Bing chat to write long articles, poems, and even essays. My apologies, how silly of me. Real friends pick us up when were down. I applaud your effort, but I think Im the only one in the audience. Large and in charge isnt your excuse to be a fat asshole. I'm going to get my toe nail pierced this weekend. May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm. Hey, I lost my phone, can you call it for me? 20. Whichwaydid you come in? As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. If you want to be funnier in social situations, try these jokester-approved tips: When youre feeling a little doubtful about your sense of humor, remember that you can learn to be funny just like any other people skill. You look so good I want to plant you and grow a whole field of yall. When a joke doesnt go over well, dont be afraid to laugh it off and poke a little fun at yourself. It got a little chillier in here once I realized you were a cold-hearted bitch. Like my dog. 100 Funny Things To Say 1. Some of the people who use these expressions seem to think theyre doing others a favor by letting them know how theyre falling short. Happy Independence Day! I suggest you do a little soul searching. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the worlds mouth. A glowstick has a brighter future than you. Ive never been a great cook, but I still know how to. There're many pessimists who got that way by investing in an optimist. So, get ready to say goodbye to the brutally cold St. Louis winter and give spring a huge warm welcome with one or more of these fantastically fun things to do in March 2023! Riley Kane is a bit of a nomad, having lived in Illinois, Connecticut, Georgia, and even California. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. Why do you have to be such a b*tch?, Why People Are So Mean And How To Deal With Them, 12 Of The Worst Negative Personality Traits That Are Truly Nasty, The Definitive List Of 100 Virtues To Live By, 13 Signs Youre In A Love-Hate Relationship, Wondering What You Should Do Today? Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. A quirky joking message a few hours later can lighten the mood and remind them that they never responded. Where are you hiding your imperfections? The assumption behind this statement is that the other person is overreacting to something or that the other person just loves drama or wants attention. Symptoms may include fever, rash, skin peeling, and low blood pressure. I was just calling to let you know about your car insurance warranty. This question basically means, How are you so ignorant? It attacks the other person for not knowing as much about a particular thing as we do. For example, you come home one day all fired up because someone at work infuriated you. [wait for her to answer did what hurt?] When you fell from heaven. Some are genuinely fascinating, while some are too funny (not to mention totally relatable) that we needed to share them with you. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. I thought of you today. You dont know what youre talking about., 14. Your secrets are always safe with me. No matter how many shmucks I meet in my life, I can always trust you to be the absolute worst. My hair hurts. You can speak english?!? Check out these 140 one-liners for extra funniness! Log in. Jan 23, 2021 - Explore Leann's board "Mean things to say.", followed by 659 people on Pinterest.